Lily didn't know if she could bear it. Having to confront her deepest fears and leave behind the thoughts hse knew-albeit paralyzing- felt familiar. To part with her old ways would seem too free, too light. But maybe what she wanted still was control. But to run on the mountains and leap in the hills with her Beloved. Did she want to be set free? She did. In her heart she knew that there was no earthly joy that could compare to the love found in her heavenly Father. There was no knowledge that would satisfy her like the deep peace the Lord's wisdom brought. There was no comfort in the mere creations of man. All her Father had- the majestic oceans, glorious skies, and tallest mountains, were hers to rejoice in and proclaim, how wonderful and marvelous her Father's creations.
I've been married for nearly 4 months. A mere speck of sand in the vast ocean of all the experiences that marriage brings, but I love my husband and wanted to write about it.
I always said that I was someone who didn't care about boys. I wasn't like other girls. Or so I thought. Looking back, I did start thinking about boys from a young age. I observed my dad and how he treated me and my mom. We didn't agree on everything, and had our years of distance and misunderstandings, but ultimately, his love shown through and it imprinted on my heart more than I could ever know. Fast forward to college. I started thinking more carefully about marriage and what it was. Somethings I knew before I got married:
1) Marriage is for the Lord. He deligths in pure love. Just as He loved and gave Himself up for the church, He loves when this is manifested in man. A love that is unfailing and everlasting-not because we are perfect, but because His love is.
What I know now:
Marriage is not an instituion, but two people who simply care for each other. At the end of our days, my only hope for my husband is that he is presented more beautiful before the Lord. He would be more humble, joyful, and loving towards the Lord. I can pray for him, laugh with him, sacrifice for him, and even help him to grow. It's fun to grow old with someone and help someone to grow.
I can't believe sometimes the Lord would grant me this privilege. It's so fun to experience love and help from someone.
"Don't rush!" These were words I heard frequently, even daily, most of my life growing up. I was always ready to go on to the next thing before I had properly even enjoyed what was in front of me. My parents often had to tell me to slow down eating my dinner, doing my chores, and even playing with certain toys. It just always seemed I was ready for the next thing before it even began. Even my piano teacher would tell me to stop rushing because I would always be on to the next measure before the last one was done.
I don't know at what point exactly in my life I started to realize this kind of life style was unenjoyable, and unsustainable. My heart always seemed to want the next thing because it wasn't satisfied with what was in front of me. I always thought there was more-something more to be done, to explore, to attain to. I rushed through mundane tasks to get to what I thought were more important tasks. How foolish it all seems now.
I don't know if it makes me old, or I've just come to realize the mundane things are what makes life beautiful. Scubbing and rinsing the dishes until they are sparkling clean can be laborious, but I treasure this chore now because of how it forces me to slow down. The routine I have after dinner gives me time to think about nothing else except to just reflect on my day. Folding laundry is not my forte. I can never seem to get the sleeves on a t-shirt to line up, and it feel likes magic when other people seemingly hold up the t-shirt and fold it in one fell swoop while I try and end up with a sack of potatoes. Slowing down doesn't mean I'm suddenly a laundry wizard. But it has taught me to enjoy the half hour I have each week to watch a video or two while slowly doing this task that I feel like many busy people scoff at. "It's unimportant", or "I have better things to do," they might say. I know because I used to be one of them, and sometimes I still am. When I am having a particularly busy week, these little tasks are the first ones I think I can let go of, but every time, I realize the small tasks are what keeps me going.
Maybe this relates to our relationship with the Lord as well. We can never let go of the small moments we have before Him. We will have big milestones with Him, but they are built by the little stones and pebbles we give him each day.
My prayer is that I may never despise the small things. They are really the treasures that one day grow into a mighty mountain.
